What I learned from love.

First of all, please bear with my terrible English writing if my words are weird to read. What i want to write about is my first love.
The first love i had teach me I how to unconditionally love a person in my life other than my family member. She taught me a lot things in life that made me feel more alive in this boring world(I used to think that this life is so boring). Love is a beautiful thing, From the first date I have with her, my feeling for her getting stronger until the point that makes me feel that I wanted to see her more especially her smile, because it is the smile that she showed me were one of the most beautiful thing in life. I feel my self in seven heaven because no matter how tired, how frustrated, or how depress I am, but with that angelic smile, I have been pulled up above the world and that makes me feel so happy forgot all the negative feelings. I have been in a beautiful relationship with her for more than ten months regardless of unofficial or official. It is a wonderful experience during the time we spend together. She always say I am cute and spoil me a lot to the point of letting me do whatever I want. She always buy me a lot of gifts. She had sad past in her life, I wish that i could be with her forever to make her happy and smile.

Unfortunately, we have to end this relationship because of some reasons that cause us not being able to spend more time for each other and our path do not cross anymore. I could not be with her anymore. But my feeling of love for her would not die, because love never dies unless heart dies. And I also wanted to appreciate the feeling she gave me, I will never forget her, her existence is one in the world for me. I thank her for everything she gave me and would not hate her because the feeling of love is stronger than hatred. My love for her no longer romantic but I will stand for her and love her as friend. Though this may sound weird as well, but what I can say is "This is life we live, if we don't live on how we desire, we will regret".

In life, we will face three stages of love in life: 

1st: First love

2nd: Unforgettable love

3rd: The last love

Thank you for everything, you are the love that I have as first love and unforgettable love.
But now I will be waiting for the last stages of love in life in future.








One more thing:
She even asked me this: "why do you not hate me?"
Then i said: "the answer will always be the same"
love never dies, and i do not hate her because life is too short to hate someone else.
Besides, hatred will reduce ones lifespan, so it is not advisable to hate a person.
I still love her, but this do not mean that I am not move one, just that i am using a different way to love her as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
This post is to appreciate her existence in my life and impact me a lot in my future life. Thank you.

Learn from betrayal

I have accidentally learned about the truth for one month before this date or more than one month.
What I learn from this is betrayal.
A betrayal from friendship and other things that happened in life.
Although betrayal has made me lost my trust towards life and friends, but that does not stop me from believing. 

You can call me a crazy but not a fool. A fool will only stop learn to trust people after they found out that they have been betrayed. But a crazy people like me will continue to believe because there is still hope and chance to learn to trust people again right after the tragedy.
Betrayal happens when the other party has no choice but to take this tragic actions, and end or to take matters to another level. They could not let things stay as it used to be, that is why things must change in order to suit their favor. 

I have hurt and depressed in this betrayal of life, but I learn more than just accepting the fact that I been betrayed. At first, I really can't accept it because I hate betrayal the most than anything else in life, I hate lies that deceive people, that causes my mind tells me that I should not trust any other people; but one thing different is that My heart tells me otherwise, because with love and trust in life, it is the key to open up people's heart and heal their pain. 

This may sound easier said than done about learn to trust people again. But I strongly believe that, it can be as easy as said, because I no longer feel that way, not because I have not deep feeling, but I learn fast enough to recover from this damage and able to change my life differently. 

Also, what I learned is that I have forgotten about people that love me so much in my life, I have ignored them for quite a long time, so now will be the time for me to repay them for loving me by spend my time with them while they still with me.

One thing that I have hidden for long time is that, it is not because I really don't know, I'm just act don't know because during old times, I hate to do troublesome things. Thus, I just acted and be different that how I used to be. Maybe this can be one of my mistake, but I my self know it clearly that I know what I want and do whatever I can to see what's more interesting things in life. 

Now, I won't simply act anymore, and just live my life in more interesting ways i guess.

To success in life, we don't have to revenge on people who betrayed us, but to show them that the betrayal is just a slice of life that help them grow stronger. Just like how Kelly Clarkson sang the song of "What doesn't kill you make you stronger"
If the betrayal did not kill you and lead you a better life, it means that this have make you a stronger person.

What is the problem?

I have one friend, that I used to warned her not to do it. She says that its okay don't worry, and then things just happen as how i warned her.

Is it my fault that i failed as a friend?

or is it a human nature that not listening to someone else except themselves?
why human being always being so over-confident?
is it good that always being so over confident and do not like to listen to others?
haih.

what did i did wrong???

What did i did wrong??
come on, just tell me what is it??
as you know(sound familiar??),
you may need time, but its only for your self, as for me~~
I don't need it, because......I can't have it(things will get messy if you know what i mean)
everything for me will be done easily, unless i told you that i need time.....
please....don't run away....if you understand what i said....

As from different person's view point, don't use your way of solution on me...cause its useless on me....
and, please...i beg you...don't simply use any solution without asking me unless the problem is not related to me~~~~
just give me a chance to know, to understand, cause if you don't....i' ll let you know this....that is i' m tired of waiting....
you can say that i m over thinking about this kind of things, but telling you the truth....
I never thought about this, just that some god damn negative feelings is my heart is getting stronger as the time pass.
And here i' m...lead by the feelings and type it out without a second thought....
amazing aye???

life is simple

life is fucking simple....and why the hell are we making it so damn complicated???
the reason is freaking simple...is that we sit around and think so fucking much about things that are haven't or not going to happen with taking any action....(dont come and find me if you are disagree about this)
why the hell do we think too much????
its another simple reason, it because of 1 word...that is fear...
the feeling of fear that keep us stand on your on feet and not moving around...keep us imprisoned in our very own "chamber of darkness" in our heart...make us scare of contacting the outside world....

fuck!!!there's no inspiration in my head for freaking half year!!!!

WALAO~

WALAO!!!!!
DAMN TIRED>>>>
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO~~~=.=

chinese new year....

Chinese new is just around the corner!!!!!
just feel empty in my heart...wonder why??
maybe i' m just miss my granpa??who already left the world 1 year ago...
damn~don't even know how to describe him...but all i know that he is a kind person and like to bring me out for "yamcha" when i' m around age if 5??
last yeAR, it was a damn shock for me when my dad called me and said that granpa is gone...gone forever..., i packed up my stuff and wait for my mum to depart,my dad already wentback to muar that's why i only wait for my mum...i' just cant control my self and i even overspeed on high way....around 160++km/h(trust me, its honda accord,its freaking steady even the speed is over 150km/p... plus my "speed limiter"(my mum) din't even realise that i overspeed,cause she fall asleep...)
i cried at the moment i saw my granpa...lying down on the bed before he is shifted into the coffin...
that is the day that i dont even want to have in my life....i even prayed that i rather "sunder" my lifespan to my granpa and granma...hope that they will have a long life...because our family actually is just like a plate of scatter sand...i fear that if my granparents wasnt there...they might not return to that house FOREVER...that is my greatest fear in my life....i rather pay up my life as a cost to avoid that shit.....but in the end.......things still happen......JUST WHAT THE DAMN SHIT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!DAMN!
i miss granpa....this just wont goes off my mind and heart......
just hoping that this coming chinese new year is a bit "different" than any other in the pass...XD

Daily routine...just work...

Wake up, eat, work, eat, work, sleep....
then continue like this every day...
What The Hell~ miss lots of good things in my youth........Darn it!!!!!!!!
if this goes on for another few months, i'm gonna be a working machine........
work work work.....no choice but to work........i wanna play,study, and .....??what else??
damn...forget it..
endure,endure........itself is an art....of I forgot what it call.........neh........who cares!!!
every human being have a lifespan of average of 65 to 75 year...
its only take 25 years to complete study ever since we born....then we go work....
after a long period of working we go retire....then buy a coffin(shocking!!!!buy coffin??or a grave??)....
just a cycle of human life.....so boring...
is there anything else that can spice up the cycle to make it more fun??
guess not........







i know its weird~
actually...this just pop up from my head out of sudden.....then i type out~

Money, money, money...

Money,
although it couldn't help with every single things in our life,
but without it, lot of things will become hard to reach in life...
Its like a "pass" to get rid of our greediness on our daily life~
Greed is our heart is like a black hole that never full even though you fill it up with every thing you got,
In the good side, greed is some sort of motivation, thing will move your ass around the world,
while as in the other way round, greed will turn to some urge that will makes you forget what you really are or what you really want to reach??achieve??a point that you set long time ago, and as time goes on, it will eventually consume your own self when you indulge yourself in greed in a long time...
sounds scary???
relax~
just treat greed as some kind of drugs...
take it when you REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED IT, not because you SIMPLY WANT IT!!!
because the meaning of need and want are totally different~

lately, I've work my ass real hard to earn some "pass" ,
its not that simple to earn so easily...
for genius type money earner, they need to learn how to be hard working to be the best,
while the hardworking type, they just need to take some time for thinking....cause although with 99% hardworking, that still not enough to be the best, without the 1 % of genius thinking,
it also works the other way round
everything will go off track~
trust me~
XD

Myself,我自己。

从来没有对自己诚实过，每天都要过自欺欺人的生活。
看上去很吵得我，事实上是个可以一天都不说话的小男孩（还小。。），好像自闭的人（但我不是自闭。Xp）
看上去什么都无所谓，其实什么都在意。
看上去很坚强，其实只是把自己的心用铁盒锁起来，也把钥匙弄丢了，搞到很难与人相处。
唉~人生怎么那么难搞啊~

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooong time no Bloooooog~~~XPXPXP

OMFG!!!!

Quite a Long time for me not updating my blog~
TEEEHEEE
lately I have been thinking a lot of stuff since I' m not studying right now~~
by occasionally "pass-by" one of my friends' blog,
I saw the tittle of "dare to dream"(you know who is him...XD)
I given a lot of time to thought about it~(thanks man, for giving me something to think a bout my future...Xp )

DARE TO DREAM~
no matter how stupid, how ridiculous, how hilarious,how....(couldn't think of other stuff to say types of dream)
just dream it, let your self fall to your own dream,
ignore those who laugh and look down at your dream,
HOWEVER,take my advised, whenever there is someone laugh at you while you taking a step to your dream...its the moment that you are CLOSER to your dream!!!
　
DARE MAKE IT TRUE~
just dream itself won't do you anything,
we have to take some action to bring out our dream in reality...
a lot of people love to dream, but they lack of courage to make it true,
they also lack of confidence, when some others make their dream a laugh matter, they will easily give up...
therefore, do not run away, stop not listening to others that whose words is harsh or not very sweet to listen to, just take it.
dream is within your grasp.

Dream~
every day we mustn't stop dreaming, without dream, life is just a plain white paper that give out boring color.
the higher you dream, the higher you can success...(with action taken of-cause...XD )

The TRUTH

What is the "truth" about this universe??

can anyone answer my question??

i have this question in my mind for don't know how many decade, years...

in some fiction story...the author will describe about "truth" different,

they talk about "truth" in existed in everyone heart, it will show your purpose of living..

but that answer doesn't satisfy me...

thus i still looking for the answer....

i have look into the Christian's bible, Buddha's scroll,they only tells me about how should we behave as a human being...they din't tell me about the "truth"...maybe "truth" is not exist in this world??

then why is this question appeared in my head??

you can call me crazy, id1ot, psych0, or something that is telling me that i think too much...

but there is one thing, human being are not 100% perfect and 100% rotten...there are question that even genius couldn't answer...(there are news about genius committed suicide just because he/she could not answer some simple question due to their complex thinking brain)

and sometimes that even people is what we call idiot,stupid or something far more worse than that...able to success in their life...(Thomas Edison who is called idiot when he is around age of 9, he tried to hatch eggs by using his own body when he saw goose hatching its egg )

so do not ever try to look down on people who is slow in learning or lack of ability to learn...

...

Lately...i having weird thoughts...

its like....i keep wondering about the "other" world...

maybe because i don't found any interesting stuff in this world...

this world is totally bored to the MAX!!!!

everyday having same thing repeated....i could just know what will happen without guessing it...

damn!!!!

i just want to feel different things in my every single day....if not...

i 'll just rot to hell....

Feeling weird to be "OLD"...=o=

Holy!!!*&#%!!!
Am I look that OLD???
I'm only 19 at year 2010...people say that I'm more that 25++...
few weeks ago...I was having dinner in a hawker center with my family...
while I waiting my dad and sis with my mom...there is 1 "beer girl"...came near the place where i was sat on...and ask:"老板，要喝酒吗？"（Boss, want have some beer?）...=.=..
.then my mom was like keep laughing...laugh laugh laugh...
Its like...come on!!! why is she asking me instead of my mom...>.<...but I wasn't really mind about that...so I could forget about it after the day...

AND...
there is another guy who is doing the same thing..but at least he is not selling beer...
but what he did is...
when I were having breakfast with my mom in some cafe...that guy approached me from behind when I'm not facing the entrance of the cafe....
he says in hokkien:"老板，要算命吗？哇！你的命真好！"(Boss, interested in fortune telling??wah!you got a good life!)
=.=...
I don't get it...why does he only look at me and telling me those shit even though my back is facing him...he ask only me about the fortune telling but not my mom, or anyone in the cafe...
that is really creep me out...O.O

past?? future??now??

Past...
look...or don't look...
neither will do me any good..cause what done is done, what past is past...
sometimes..when I put in effort to do anythings that i determined...it will turn out 120% failure...
its like...=.=''...WTF!!!
its like when we doing something we want so badly...the God will like to play with us and let us fail to do what we want...
but if we keep doing for don't know how many thousands times till the God will feel bored and say:"Holy!!! you are damn persistent, since you want to do it so badly...then i shall not interfere with your business "
that is how we can success in our life??

Future...
I don"t plan and don't even wanna know my future...
cause in this F***ing world...there is no such word called "plan"...
every time i plan plan plan...it will turn out like a 180 degree turn in our life flow...make my plan a complete turn over...what a let down...=.=
that's why when we don't know something and we don't guess it...it will turn out to be unexpected surprised in our daily life no matter its good or bad...
cause if we plan and tried so hard to complete it...it doesn't matter whether its good or bad...we will feel bored due to unknown reason...=.=



Now...
I only know how to see my past and future...
but I'm such an idiot for the present time...
sometimes...i 'm confused....don't know what should i do...
I tried so hard not do get myself stick to some troubles...and not to stick my nose to others business, but in the end...i can't have it my own way...=.=...

"=.="

Holiday now....
waiting for result...
feel like go to college now...
cause alone at home is freaking killing me...=.=

Haiz....
miss the fun days~
miss my friend~
miss cutie (some...XD)~
in UTAR...

but too bad...
most of them had went to different campus by the day to start next sem for me...
can't see them for sometimes...SAD~SAD~

hope this sem will be an easy going semester for me...XD

Bored of my post???XD

Feel BOOOOORED of my blog???
you're lying if you say no!!haha!!!
no offense!!!

I just don't know how to create a nice or some creative and beautiful(??) blog..Xp
Eeeeevery day, my mind is 0(ZERO)!!!!Means nothing!!!
that's why i' m a bit of out of my mind(dreaming....)
that causes my concentration to do things is 0%...haha
when i went to college...i couldn't pay a single % of concentrate to the class
(holy *&%$)how am i suppose to study!!!
plus the ADHD i start to doubt my future...(do i have to do that??beats me..)

What a difficult world...

What a difficult world...
When you possessed something you don't really want in your hand, you will start to think about what other people have is better than what you have...
that mind concept will make you to careless about what you have in your hand, after that when you lost it you don't really think about it, but the main thing is when you lost what is in your hand and you couldn't get what you want...you will start to regret of not value about what you have in your hand...
this is what we call human nature, not human mind...
even so many years..human can't deny this nature and keep doing the same thing for generations...they only realized when they done it not when they hear it...cause when they hear, they will always think that they will never do something like that but in the end, they still do the same thing...
what a joke...>.<
people always says that they are not gonna do like this with a lot confidence but still, they can't defy the human nature in their mind...and hurt themselves and lots of people that care about them...

...

ADHD
known as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
go view Wikipedia if you guys don't understand what is that...XD
I can't really explained what is ADHD,
i only know that this is a mental sickness that related to lack of ability to learn..
why do i say so??
i MAYBE got this shit...
cause i no matter how hard i study in Uni....
i still can't get to understand what the hell are those shit talk about...DAMN!!!
In this F***ING world...those who lack of learning ability and can't study are doomed means that they can't survive...
cause this world is too F***ING stick to reality...
no cert?? no work for you..

DAMN!!!!!!!!
how am i gonna survive??
Beg to any God are not gonna do me any good....
SHIT!!!
This world is gonna turn me into a Psycho!!!